DATING: 5 Signs You Are Being Blown Off

WEDNESDAY'S RELATIONSHIP CORNER

So, you've met the "ONE" or so you think... The only problem is you are not sure if that person likes you.  If you are wondering and there isn't any obvious signs, than you're wondering is probably in vain.  Sorry... That person probably doesn't like you... at least not the way you like them. (But, what do I know? I am not a relationship expert. I'm just a girl with a blog.)

Many people have the tendency of falling for someone who isn’t right for them or interested in them.  You may call it human nature, I call it denial.  The truth of the matter is that often times people are blowing you off (in the nicest way they know possible), and yet YOU choose to see otherwise.  You cling to the possibility of maybe there is still a chance instead of facing reality.   If you are not sure if you are being blown off, here is your guide.

5 Signs You are Being Blown Off

  

1. Too Busy. Someone who is interested in you will move heaven and earth to see you. We are all busy, but if we really want to do something, we always find a way to make time for it. You move your schedule around, create time or do something. That person is not leaving your grasp, that’s for sure! Someone, you aren’t really interested in, you’re not changing your schedule or setting time aside for them. You’re just not that into them. Same can be said about anyone who is TOO busy for you!

2. Can’t Reach Them By Phone. In this day and age if someone tells you their phone is “conveniently” not working on a Friday or Saturday night, they are probably LYING to you. Or if you text them and it takes them a while to reply, you’re not of real interest to them. Sorry, them’s the break. The fact of the matter is if someone is really into you, they have their phone close at hand. They are waiting to receive a text or a call from you. Why? Because they are excited to hear from you!

3. They Make Tentative Plans, But Don’t Confirm. This person will have you talking about getting together to catch up over drinks or going to a movie but never follows-up. If you try to corner them, they will conveniently have some event or activity that conflicts with your tentative plan, but will be quick to rain check you again. Someone into you will always firm up the plan and get a scheduled date!... Move on!

4. They Give you the “I’m not ready for a relationship” line. What they really are saying, is that they are not ready for a relationship with YOU… This person does not want to burn their bridges, in the rare case they do discover they want to be in a relationship with you. This is closely related to Mr. Someday. Essentially, this person wants to put you on layaway plan, while they see what else is out there. If someone is really into you, they are going to scoop you up immediately. They aren’t going to risk losing you….They know YOUR worth and DON’T want to lose you to another person. Really, Poof! Be Gone! this person.

5. Talks About the Opposite Sex Around You in Glowing Reviews. If you are interested in a girl and she is mentioning how fabulous or gorgeous a guy she met in passing was, she is telling you as subtly as she knows how, she’s not into you. Take it as insightful news and don’t waste another precious thought on that person.

When someone is blowing you off, you may find yourself essentially chasing them! You are strategic as to when you call them, you tolerate their lame excuses of unavailability and you carefully weigh what it is you do and say around them.

You, my dear are a shell of yourself. YOU are chasing that person and they don’t want to be caught by you! They might not want to burn bridges by being upfront with you, but they are being completely selfish. Oddly, the more you give into their ways, the less appealing you appear… How can they respect you, when you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries? If you are being blown off, it’s not a pretty feeling. Sure, it stings a little, but it is better to know now than to linger and waste your time being delusional about the future. Don’t ever give anyone free rent space in your head who can’t take the time to recognize your worth. You deserve better! Besides, would you really want to be with someone who was only slightly interested in you?

Your non-expert relationship blog girl,

Nicole

Why? Oh, Why Mr. Mayor Can't You See Gay Pride Weekend Is Apart Of Your Job? - ACHTUNG!

This week in Toronto is Gay Pride.  Additionally, this Friday, July 1^st, is Canada Day.  Certainly, it is a weekend of many happenings here in Toronto.  And the one person, who will be missing from all this excitement, is none other but Mayor Rob Ford.

While, Toronto is not my hometown and I’m not gay, I do believe this week’s Gay Pride is important to the city… and even Canada.  Toronto boasts a very diverse and multicultural community.  Events like Gay Pride, Carabanna, and Taste of the Danforth help celebrate its diversity.

The newly appointed mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has noted he will not be attending this year’s Gay Pride because he will be spending time with his family at the cottage.  While, I can appreciate family time, it really wouldn’t take too much time or effort to come out, say some words of support and return to his family.  He could even do a cameo appearance.  After all, he is the mayor. 

Toronto embraces its diversity and any mayor of Toronto should also embrace and show their support of what it means to live in Toronto.  If there are elements of diversity one doesn’t agree with… well they shouldn’t be the mayor of Toronto in the first place.  Moreover, the job isn’t just a 9 to 5 position.  It involves coming out and being involved in the various major activities of Toronto. 

Gay Pride in Toronto is actually the largest in North America, allowing Toronto to benefit in various ways including financially (from all the revenue it generates)… Something any mayor can appreciate.  By not making time (no matter how small) for this weekend’s event sends a message of NOT supporting gays.  Ironically, Mayor Rob Ford was unavailable for the Gay Pride Flag raising yesterday.  Coincidence???

People are entitled to have their opinions on various issues.  However, anyone desiring to be the Mayor of Toronto needs to be a support of gays as well as all diversity in general…. Diversity is Toronto! 

COUGAR...Revisited - ACHTUNG SERIES!

An oldie but a goodie… I thought I would revisit a blog topic I wrote in 2008… Cougar…

For those of you who don’t know what a “Cougar” is, it is a term referring to an older woman, (usually in her 40s, 50s or 60s) who sexually pursues younger men (usually in their 20s and 30s).

There are few things I hate and the term Cougar is definitely one of them.  It is derogatory, demeaning and a complete throw back to the leaps and bounds the women’s movement has made.  To me it is even worse when it is endorsed by females.  And if you don’t have a problem with it, I have one question for you “Are you kidding me???”

Now, while I have dated younger men, it actually is not my personal preference. But, that’s me. (I also like anchovies with pineapples on pizza and room temperature water, but that's me again.)

I see no problem with a women or a man choosing to date someone younger. However, I do feel the word “Cougar” in reference to a woman is offensive, degrading and a sexist word. Since, when is it acceptable to refer to females with disparaging terms? And what makes this word more offensive is that it seems to be in vogue.

Men have been chasing, dating and marrying younger women for years, but socially it is deemed to be acceptable. Yet, a woman who pursues this same path is a woman on the prowl – hunting for the young victim man. How is it socially acceptable in this day and age to refer to a woman as a Cougar?

Besides if you really want to get technical about it, women outlive men by approximately 8 years and while the biological clock is said to tick for women, it is also ticking for men.  While, men will always have sperm (unlike women who lose their eggs with menopause) men over the age of 40 produce less sperm and more genetic abnormalities (Fisch, Hyun, Golden, Hensle, Olsson, and Liberson,, 2003;  Hampton, 2005).  Chew on that fact!  

I can’t tell you the number of 40s, 50s or 60s year olds who have tried to talk to me and to what male version word of Cougar do I have to refer to these men? Is it possible that they are equally interested in me because of my difference in age? Should I then call them mid-life crisis men? That’s pretty offensive and also not appropriate. How about we just refer to someone who prefers a younger person, to them by their actual given name? Everyone is allowed to have preferences and should not be stigmatized and/or stereotyped by it.

Achtung that!

Free to love whom ever,

Nicole

REFERENCES

Fisch, H., Hyun, G., Golden, R., Hensle, T.W.,Olsson, C.A., Liberson, G.L. (2003). The influence of paternal age on Down Syndrome. Journal of Urology. 169(6): 2275-8.

Hampton, T. (2005). Researchers Discover a Range of Factors Undermine Sperm Quality, Male Fertility. Journal of American Medical Association. 294: 2829- 2831.

JESUS WALK

SUNDAY'S LYRICS

The other day I gave a talk to a school and was asked who I turn to for help when I am challenged?  Now, I give many talks and this was the first time I had ever been asked that question.  Without hesitation I responded, “God.”  My faith is a fundamental part of who I am.   God is my best friend.  And while there are times I may be frustrated with Him, it is Him who I turn to in my joy and sadness.

I am mindful of people’s faith, belief and lack thereof, so I do not try to place judgment or convert nonbelievers into believers.  Ironically, I can’t help finding it funny how taboo the topic of God has become these days. However, if I can blog about Achtung topics, certainly I can and will blog about Jesus… After all He is a part of who I am.  To the people that know me best, they know it is certainly one of my favourite discussions to have… if only to gather a deeper understanding of my faith.

There are times I feel very close with God and times I feel I have strayed away.  I love the song “Jesus Walk” by Kanye West because it speaks of a yearning to be one with God especially in those moments I’ve strayed away.  Perhaps my favourite line in the song is:

I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis

That's the way I need Jesus

So here go my single dog radio needs this
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes
But if I talk about God my record won't get played

Huh?

Likewise, if I can blog about everything else, why can’t or wouldn’t I blog about God.  Indeed, Jesus walk with me.

Walking,

Nicole

"Jesus Walks" by Kanye West



Yo, We at war
We at war with terrorism, racism, and most of all we at war with ourselves
(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me) with me, with me, with me

You know what the Midwest is?
Young & Restless
Where restless (People) might snatch your necklace
And next these (People) might jack your Lexus
Somebody tell these (People) who Kanye West is

I walk through the valley of the shadow of death is
Top floor the view alone will leave you breathless

Uhhhh!
Try to catch it

Uhhhh!

It's kinda hard hard
Getting choked by the detectives

Yeah, yeah now check the method
They be asking us questions, harass and arrest us
Saying "we eat pieces like you for breakfast"
Huh? Ya’ll eat pieces of what? What's the basis?
We ain't going nowhere but got suits and cases

A truck full of crap rental car from Avis
My momma used to say only Jesus can save us
Well momma I know I act a fool
But I'll be gone 'til November I got packs to move

I Hope

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers
(Jesus walks with them)
To the victims of Welfare for we living in hell here hell yeah
(Jesus walks with them)

Now hear ye hear ye want to see Thee more clearly
I know he hear me when my feet get weary
Cause we're the almost nearly extinct
We rappers are role models we rap we don't think

I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis

That's the way I need Jesus

So here go my single dog radio needs this
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes
But if I talk about God my record won't get played

Huh?

Well let this take away from my spins
Which will probably take away from my ends
Then I hope this take away from my sins
And bring the day that I'm dreaming about
Next time I'm in the club everybody screaming out

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't thing there's nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus walks with me... fades)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long   

4 Common but Deadly Mistakes Made in the World of Dating

WEDNESDAY'S RELATIONSHIP CORNER

So, you met Mr. or Miss. Perfect….And they are sooooooo fabulous. When it comes to dating it’s easy to get excited with our new love interest.  However, it’s also easy to lose all sense and make some critical mistakes that in the end only hurt you.  Here are 4 common but deadly mistakes made in the world of dating.  Be on your guard…

Playing Masquerade

It’s natural to want to put your best foot forward when dating in the beginning.  The problem is when this best foot forward is something, you can’t sustain over time.  You might find yourself a “need to pleaser” or playing up other interests while doing less of what you really want.  With enough time you’ll be forced to confront the truth and realize just how much you don’t like watching WWE with your new boyfriend or watching the Lifetime Channel with your new girlfriend.  You’ll go insane keeping up this masked version of you!  That’s why it pays dividends to always be YOU.  Sounds cliché, but if someone can’t like you for who YOU really are, then why would you want to be with that person? 

The Chase

If you are a woman and you find yourself always calling a guy, wishing he’d call you back, or return your text messages… or if you are simply wondering if a guy likes you (as you relive your last interaction with him and what it all meant)… STOP… You are chasing that guy and if you are chasing he probably doesn’t want to get caught… by you.  He really is ‘not that into you!’  You have the complete stench of desperation and it is not working in your favour. 

The other side of this dilemma is men who are afraid to pursue.  If you are a guy and are interested in a girl YOU need to let her know.  Man up!  An assertive man gives the presence of confidence – like you know what you want!  Too many times guys are too afraid to ask us girls out… We aren’t mind readers so a lot of times a guy may miss out because the girl doesn’t even suspect the guy is interested in her.  And if she does, but senses he is too shy to ask, this could make her less interested in him.  Generally, women like a man with a spine in him - some assertiveness and strength.  Dig deep and find the courage.  The worse thing a girl can say is no. 

Making the Other Person Jealous

This is playing with fire… and most importantly playing with one’s emotion. 

When it comes to women, making a girl jealous with another girl can blow up in a guys face.  For a few girls, they could develop “Fatal Attraction” for the guy and no guy wants their rabbit to be boiled.  Probably for most girls, attempting to make us jealous is a sure way to make us lose TOTAL interest in you!

It is confusing because for some guys, when a girl makes them jealous with another guy they may become more interested in the girl.  However, they will also be hurt and may display some anger.  This is a game of Russian roulette and not one I’d advise.  There are many other ways to get that certain someone’s attention and jealousy should not be the way.

Living on Fantasy Island

Letting go is often a challenge many people struggle with.  When a relationship is over or headed downwards, they may hang on to it for dear life.  They’ll pay homage to all the good times they had, the many memories they’ve shared and the visions of what they saw their future could look like.  All the while completely discounting the reality of the bad times and just how NOT right the relationship was for them. 

If you ever find yourself here, you are in the world of fantasy.  You are holding onto what you envisioned could be, and once you can let go of La La Land you will be able to move on. It’s truly the fantasies that make you feel bad.  Also, as long as you are in a head space about someone you are not available for the next better and more wonderful person that comes along… You need to POOF! Be Gone! those fantasies ... immediately.

When you know better, you do better.  In some ways I believe that over time the dating game becomes one about learning more about ourselves.  Always be yourself, know your worth, play fair and stick to reality (confronting the brutal truth as needed). And most importantly, when it comes to dating have fun!

Your relationship non-expert, girl with a blog and idle thoughts,

Nicole

P.S:  Thank you for the many of you who have expressed a liking for my Wednesday’s Relationship Corner blogs.  If you have topics you’d like me to blog on, on this or any other topic let me know. Feel free to post your suggestion anonymously under “Comments” or email me.  Again, I must remind you, I’m not an expert in this area.  I’m just a girl with a blog and idle thoughts.

2011 CANADIAN NATIONAL CHAMPIONHIPS

Photo credits: Jarrtan Naphtal

Due to a recent foot injury I will not be competing at this week’s Canadian National Championship in Calgary.  Despite this minor setback, I look forward to opening my season in July instead.  I wish my competitors and all other athletes the best of luck this week.   I hope to see a few personal best performances! (You can catch all the action on Saturday 6/25, 4:00pm EST on CBC). 

On another note, I’m sorry to disappoint all those who had anticipated a HOOL-A-CISE demonstration with my co-founder Perdita Felicien, at the Canadian National Championships.  Please feel free to check out our videos.  It’s not too late to order your HOOL-A-CISE video!

See you on the track, soon!

Nicole

     

The Power of GRATITUDE

How easy is it is for us to point out the errors of one’s way or what is lacking?  We are critics.  And often we are our own biggest critics.

Being critical does not make you feel good.  It leaves you feeling incomplete and that you are always pursuing; it leaves you incapable of being content.  And yet, so many of us do it.

However, what we probably should be doing more of is expressing our gratitude and paying less attention to what we don’t have or failed to do.

I truly believe that taking time to account for what you are grateful for, positively shifts you.  Gratitude fills with you a feeling of goodness; that the impossible is possible and that there is more good things in store for you.  But, being critical only presents the barrier in your way. 

It is easy to sit back and see what you don’t have and how hard things are.  I call this the victim approach.  You essentially take on a “Woe is me” attitude.  And before you know it, you are caught in a doom circle.  Similarly, I believe through this sort of thinking you also open yourself up to the pitfall of fear – fear to do what it is you’ve always wanted; fear to attempt something challenging; fear to explore your possibilities.  Because the more you are critical, the more you see obstacles in your way.  Certainly this can’t help you.  It only solidifies the reasons why failure may be eminent.

Gratitude opens you up to realize the many things you have in your life that we take for granted.  It points out where you have succeeded despite having the deck stacked against you.  It is a fuel for success.  In essence you are taking note of your “small wins” in life.  And in so doing you open yourself to receive more things to be grateful for.

Gratitude isn’t something you only express for yourself.  But, it should also be applied to people in your life and those you encounter.  Take note of people’s good qualities and really appreciate it.  I guarantee you’ll start to see more of those qualities in them and they will also see more of your good qualities.

Gratitude can be as simple as being thankful for another day, the friends you have, the goodness you embody or your health.  It really is that simple and it is all around us.  There are a million things we all can be grateful for.  Take time today and everyday to make note of what you are grateful for.

Forever grateful,

Nicole

Shaping a Daughter's Life - Happy Father's Day, Dad!

The role of a father should never be underestimated especially when it comes to raising a girl. It is this relationship that influences the relationships a daughter will have with others, especially men, in the future.

On this and every father’s day, I thank my father, Leo. His incredible influence has shaped me into the woman I am today. Indeed, I am a strong woman who is also a Tom Boy at heart because of him. He’s taught me fundamental principles of life, like determination, commitment, being responsible and treating others with kindness (just to name a few).

He is my fishing buddy, a ritual we’ve started since I was a kid. I’ve caught my biggest fish with him and my red devil lure. He is also my golfing buddy, who is always willing to give me a mulligan or two. And even when I’m 20 strokes behind him, he’s cheering me on and pointing out how my short game is improving or my drive is becoming strong… Always, seeing the upside in what I do.

He was there to teach me how to drive, displaying extreme patience as I would jackrabbit the car while learning manual. My love of wine and black coffee definitely rings of his influence.

The many long hours of discussions we’ve had about life, politics and religion is second to none. I love those days…. A Saturday looking out on the lake engaged in a serious discussion while taking note of the beauty of nature that surrounds us. Priceless.

He is definitely a best friend and someone I rely on for a solid opinion. It’s not often, but I can always sense when he has some concern with a decision I’m making. He never raises his voice or outwardly tells me I’m making a bad decision. Instead, the tone of his voice changes to one of concern, followed by “You just might want to make sure…” And he’s usually right.

He believes in me in more ways than I probably realize… When I told him the other day about the various endeavors I was newly engaged in, his response was simple “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

I feel blessed to have the father that I have. Thank you Dad!

I struggled today to find a song that would demonstrate the influence of a father. I found myself settling on Daughters by John Mayer because it reinforces the power a father has on a daughter. The absence of a father - one that walks out or just isn’t their emotionally - has lasting effects. We are in the cycle of life and for women to grow up strong and be good to their children and their spouse and all those they interact with, it is the relationship with a father that might influence this most!

To all the wonderful father's out there, Happy Father's Day to you!

Nicole




Daughters by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman’s good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

THE FACE-OFF: Good Guy VS Bad Guy

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

Continuing from last week’s blog (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy), today, I explore the good guy versus bad guy debate.  Again, I must impart on you I’m not a relationship expert... I'm just a girl with a blog.  

I’ve often heard men make the comment “Nice guys finish last.”  I’m here to tell you that that is NOT true.  It may appear like that now, but just like the Tortoise and Hare story, where slow and steady wins the race, much is the same when it comes to Good Guys.  To my Good Guys out there, “Be patient my young Jedi, your time will come!” 

The appeal of a bad boy might come down to a girl just being young or sadly being insecure.  When a girl is young she doesn’t know any better and might find herself going for the things that don’t really matter and undervaluing what does (i.e. like someone treating her good).  In both cases, it’s easy for a girl to get caught up in the allure of being in a relationship as oppose to the quality of a relationship.

For an insecure woman, the appeal of a bad boy may be the desire to tame him and make him smitten for her.  Comparatively, I speculate that these girls will also overlook the good guys, simply because the good guys have made the fault of genuinely liking them. (And if you're a good guy you really don't want to date this kind of girl anyways!)

This may be hard to understand, so follow me.  If someone can’t love themselves enough, then they are not in a position to openly receive love.   “Clearly, there must be something wrong with that guy… why does he like me so much (I don’t even like myself that much)???  But, dude over there must be amazing because he doesn’t like me nearly as much as I like him.  Hmmm, maybe I can make him like me?” says the illogical thinking girl subconsciously…. Again this is just my speculation.  I am not a relationship psychologist… I’m just a chick with a blog and idle thoughts. 

For any girl who finds themselves lamenting over a bad guy what you’re probably really sad about are the fantasies you’ve created about this guy.  It’s very easy to see the potential in someone, and lose sight of who they really are.  Next time you reflect on Le Jerk, really take a closer look and I’m sure you’ll see his true colours.  You can’t choose to see only the possibilities and disregard the glaring reality.  When you let go of the fantasies, you open yourself up to the kind of relationship you deserve.

A woman who is content with herself, her life and KNOWS what she wants won’t put up with a bad guy.  In fact, it often takes a bad guy (or in some cases a few) for a woman to figure out what she wants and how she DESERVES to be treated.  Essentially, the bad guys become our pathway to really valuing and appreciating the Good Guys.  So, while women might date bad guys, most women don’t want to settle with a bad guy.  Indeed, like the Tortoise, it is the good guys that truly wins in the end!!!

POKAROO

One final note… not all bad guys stay as so.  Sometimes the right girl comes along and changes a guy’s dog-pounding ways.  I’ve witnessed this.  But, it doesn’t come about by the girl trying to make the guy a good guy, it comes from a guy realizing he better step up his ways if he wants any chance with this girl he really values.  Change comes from one’s own volition not from someone trying to impose it on you. 

Through the many encounters with bad guys a women might complain about the existence of Good Guys, as if they are Pokaroo (infrequent or possibly a fable). I have a lot of male friends who are “Good Guys” so I know you’re out there in mass quantity…. But, the perception that there are so few of you actually increases your value. A woman who has gotten her act together and KNOWS what she wants is definitely not letting a Good Guy go!!!

To my good guys out there, keep being YOU!  You are and will be valued.  And to my bad guys out there… enjoy it while you can.  With enough time, you will quickly approach the status of a dodo bird… they are extinct! 

P.S:  If you think you are a good guy... maybe check my Classic Signs of a Bad Guy blog.  If you've done any of the 3 signs I've mentioned you might not be as squeaky clean as you'd like to believe...

Just a Girl with a blog,

Nicole

THE AGING ATHLETE - Achtung, Baby!

On Saturday, I was watching BBC and saw that Janet Evans is currently training for the 2012 Olympic Games.  Who is Janet Evans?  Well, to freshen up your memory she is a former World Record Holder and a 4- time Olympic Gold Medalist in swimming, who retired in 1996. 

It seemed her age was the topic of discussion. Janet Evans is 39 years old. But, the face of athlete is changing.  For example, Lori-Anne Muenzer who captured gold in cycling in the 2004 Olympic Games at the tender age of 38, Stefi Nerius winning gold at the World Championships in Javelin at 37 years young or even Chris Chelios at the age of 48 playing in the NHL.  So, what was my reaction when I saw Janet was back in the pool? – “You Go Girl!!!  Now, that’s what I’m talking ABOUT!”  It reminded me of a previous blog on this topic I had written, and is worth revisiting.

Sports seem to be the one venue where discrimination on the basis of age is okay and tolerated.  Ironically, the landscape of sports is quickly changing.  I believe the real battle is for the archaic mindset of people to keep up.  People, including arm chair athletes, media, National Sport Organizations, Professional Sport teams and sometimes athletes themselves need to sit up and take notice.

The modern athlete trains under advanced conditions/knowledge, eats & recovers more wisely, and has the access of therapists who are constantly finding better ways to treat athletes. Knowledge is a click away with the birth of the internet and high quality 3-dimensional computer analysis for biomechanics. Facilities and sports equipments are also improving. All of these factors assist in extending the competitive life of an athlete. Doesn’t it make sense why athletes are lasting longer in their sports? Moreover, there is something called “mastery.” It takes an athlete approximately 10 years or 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to master a sport.

When an athlete starts performing poorly and they are older the natural tendency is to attribute it to one’s age – ‘they are getting up there in age so they are not as good as they were when they were younger.’ While, I acknowledge the effects of aging on the body, sometimes people may be experiencing personal problems, fatigue, and injury or just are in a slump... or maybe just human??? But, because someone is beyond a certain age common for their sport there is a natural tendency to attribute poor performances to age. This kind of stereotype is NOT acceptable in the workforce so why is it in sports. It actually is ageism and IT’S WRONG!

Ironically, parents unknowingly will clamor to have their child specialize in a sport at an early age with hopes of little Johnny becoming the next great one (citing figures like Tiger Wood as their example). What most people don’t realize is that Tiger Woods is the exception and not the norm. An athlete’s best chance at becoming elite is a resume which includes a rich, diverse sport background encapsulating many sports, while delaying specialization. Which, when done properly can extend an athlete’s life incredibly.  Very few athletes who are anointed the next great one actually achieve this predicted status.    

One last note – female athletes may not stay in sports as long as their male counter parts, not because of being too old, but because of a new passionate commitment to a family. They become wives and mothers -- carrying a child in their womb for 9 months and then engaging in caretaking and raising a family.  So to women like Janet Evans, mother of two, I give a loud support, cheer and applaud.

POOFing Ageism,

Nicole

References

Côté, J, Young, B, North, J and Duffy, P. (2007). Towards a Definition in Excellence in Sport Coaching. International Journal of Coaching Science. 1 (1): 3-17.

Erickson K, Côté J, Fraser-Thomas J. (2007). Sport experiences, milestones, and educational activities associated with high-performance coaches' development. Sport Psychologist. 21 (3): 302-316.

Fraser-Thomas, J.L., Côté, J., & Deakin, J. (2005). Youth sport programs: An avenue to foster positive youth development. Physical Education and Sport Pedagogy, 10, 49-70.

We're Here For a Good Time!

Sunday's Lyrics 

Every now and then there are songs that come along that can't help but put a smile on your face when you hear it.... And "We're Here For a Good Time" is one of those songs.  It certainly is a classic!  Simple lyrics that are ever so true!!!

Make the most of every moment you have because none of knows when it will be our last moment.  Life is good and there for our taking!  Enjoy it!

Wishing you a fabulous Sunday... just as fabulous as you are!

Nicole

We're Here for a Good Time (Not a Long Time) by Trooper

A very good friend of mine

Told me something the other day

I'd like to past it onto you

Cause I believe what he said to be true

He said:

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

And the sun is shining

In this rainy city

And the sun is shining

Ooh isn't it a pity?

That every year has it's share of tears

Every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

And the sun is shining

In this rainy city

And the sun is shining

Ooh isn't it a pity?

That every year has it's share of tears

Every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday

We're here for a good time

Not a long time

So have a good time

The sun can't shine everyday