Generally, I’m a pretty private person, and I find the older I get the more people place greater expectations on people’s relationship. Recently, one of my good friends revealed she was getting married. My first reaction was to whom??? – I didn’t even know she was dating anyone…. She had been in fact dating her fiancé for sometime but had done a good job of keeping it private and not allowing people to get in her business. I’d probably say I’ve evolved to be like this. The problem is the older you become the more people want to know ‘are you dating’, ‘who you are dating’ and ‘what type of guys do you date?’ It’s actually kind of annoying. It’s up there with the question – How tall are you? And lately, it’s taken on another face. I find if I’m laughing hysterically, upset or just staring into space, I’ll get the question ‘who is he?’…. it’s automatically attributed to someone I must be secretly dating – when in fact it may just be PMS, or I’ve experienced a brain fart with regards to my dissertation. It’s all pretty comical to me at this point.
Ok, well if you must know, yes, I am in a relationship… Two to be honest… Their names are Doctoral Program and High Jump…. It’s been a challenge, trying to juggle both, and they are both pretty jealous guys, but, some how it works out. Being serious, among my greatest loves, and certainly highest priorities are my studies and athletics. I’m nearing the end of my studies, in a topic I’m completely passionate about and intrigued by. And likewise I’m deeply imbedded in my athletic career, as the outdoor season is underway. So, the world of dating is certainly a background in my foreground.
Which is funny because, it seems when you aren’t interested in dating, or you are in a relationship with someone, it is easy to garner attention. In truth, I can’t help feeling what people really mean to ask is “why are you single?” Or who knows, maybe that’s code for “what’s wrong with you?” Again, I believe it’s this feeling by many people that the older you get, the more settled you must become… like you better get married and start having kids ASAP! Perhaps that’s why there are so many divorces in the world. I also, think being a tall athletic female, people are naturally inquisitive as to what type of guy I would date… Like he must have to be taller and be a professional athlete…. Actually, that’s not the case for me – I’ve dated many shorter non-professional athlete guys…. To be honest, the older one gets the less superficial we may become and start to appreciate the things that really matter – like values, personality and good humor…along with a nice 6-pack….lol…. Admittedly, I know I must appear intimidating to some men, for whatever reason, and that might narrow my field of possibilities. But, confidence is where I draw the line -- and if someone is not confident than I wouldn't be interested in them.
I personally like being a rolling stone. A 3hr drive wedged between my two nephews (3 months old and 3 years old) this past weekend has confirmed I am very content at this point in my life, with my single lifestyle. I’ll go through stretches where I will not be dating anyone, and then maybe moments where I might be in the dating rotation. Last year, I intentionally took myself off the market. With a lot of personal challenges I was juggling I didn’t have the time for it. I know some people like to hop from one relationship to another, and that is definitely not me!
What I don’t enjoy is other’s failure to realize that a woman can enjoy her independence and single status. I think it is important for people to be comfortable on their own, in their own skin before trying to add another person to the equation. Also, I think there is disease that plagues our society that if you’re 30 and you’re not married – you better hurry-up cause that clock is ticking, good luck finding someone & you better not be too picky. That’s a tale of fear! Screw that! Decisions and actions should never be guided by Fear! Yes, I am picky and I think everybody should be… Never settle!
And that is where I’m at…. Enjoying my life… Living my life like it’s golden. Taking care of my priorities and letting whatever happens happen…
Fabulously Single,
Nicole
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