Wednesday, June 29, 2011

DATING: 5 Signs You Are Being Blown Off

So, you've met the "ONE" or so you think... The only problem is you are not sure if that person likes you.  If you are wondering and there isn't any obvious signs, than you're wondering is probably in vain.  Sorry... That person probably doesn't like you... at least not the way you like them. (But, what do I know? I am not a relationship expert. I'm just a girl with a blog.)

Many people have the tendency of falling for someone who isn’t right for them or interested in them.  You may call it human nature, I call it denial.  The truth of the matter is that often times people are blowing you off (in the nicest way they know possible), and yet YOU choose to see otherwise.  You cling to the possibility of maybe there is still a chance instead of facing reality.   If you are not sure if you are being blown off, here is your guide.

5 Signs You are Being Blown Off
1. Too Busy. Someone who is interested in you will move heaven and earth to see you. We are all busy, but if we really want to do something, we always find a way to make time for it. You move your schedule around, create time or do something. That person is not leaving your grasp, that’s for sure! Someone, you aren’t really interested in, you’re not changing your schedule or setting time aside for them. You’re just not that into them. Same can be said about anyone who is TOO busy for you!
2. Can’t Reach Them By Phone. In this day and age if someone tells you their phone is “conveniently” not working on a Friday or Saturday night, they are probably LYING to you. Or if you text them and it takes them a while to reply, you’re not of real interest to them. Sorry, them’s the break. The fact of the matter is if someone is really into you, they have their phone close at hand. They are waiting to receive a text or a call from you. Why? Because they are excited to hear from you!
3. They Make Tentative Plans, But Don’t Confirm. This person will have you talking about getting together to catch up over drinks or going to a movie but never follows-up. If you try to corner them, they will conveniently have some event or activity that conflicts with your tentative plan, but will be quick to rain check you again. Someone into you will always firm up the plan and get a scheduled date!... Move on!
4. They Give you the “I’m not ready for a relationship” line. What they really are saying, is that they are not ready for a relationship with YOU… This person does not want to burn their bridges, in the rare case they do discover they want to be in a relationship with you. This is closely related to Mr. Someday. Essentially, this person wants to put you on layaway plan, while they see what else is out there. If someone is really into you, they are going to scoop you up immediately. They aren’t going to risk losing you….They know YOUR worth and DON’T want to lose you to another person. Really, Poof! Be Gone! this person.
5. Talks About the Opposite Sex Around You in Glowing Reviews. If you are interested in a girl and she is mentioning how fabulous or gorgeous a guy she met in passing was, she is telling you as subtly as she knows how, she’s not into you. Take it as insightful news and don’t waste another precious thought on that person.

When someone is blowing you off, you may find yourself essentially chasing them! You are strategic as to when you call them, you tolerate their lame excuses of unavailability and you carefully weigh what it is you do and say around them.
You, my dear are a shell of yourself. YOU are chasing that person and they don’t want to be caught by you! They might not want to burn bridges by being upfront with you, but they are being completely selfish. Oddly, the more you give into their ways, the less appealing you appear… How can they respect you, when you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries? If you are being blown off, it’s not a pretty feeling. Sure, it stings a little, but it is better to know now than to linger and waste your time being delusional about the future. Don’t ever give anyone free rent space in your head who can’t take the time to recognize your worth. You deserve better! Besides, would you really want to be with someone who was only slightly interested in you?
Your non-expert relationship blog girl,


Anonymous said...

Thank you Nicole 2 out 5 of those signs are being shown to me by a girl I like "the too busy" and " I don't want a relationship right now " but she just told me two days ago, I asked her what she wanted to do about us? And she told me that she liked me and all so I'm all like but what? Do you just want to be friends? " she's all like "for now" and then its been three times I asked her to hang out with me 3 times already and she has told me that she is too busy and right now I just texted her and told her she pissed me off and that I'm done! And that when someone wants to hang out with someone they'll make time! And she just texted me saying That her parents are strict and that they don't let her go anywhere whenever she wants! But I'm just so confused is she just scared of being upfront with me? (Maybe cuz we've been friends for 2 and a half years? Idk? I need your advice?

Nicole Wendy Forrester said...

Thanks for the question. While I am not a relationship expert, I would suggest if she is telling you she just wants to be friends for now, you must take her at her word. I am sure there is someone else out there dying to have your affection. But, longing for someone who is not reciprocating your feelings will not make you feel good. Who knows, perhaps with time she will come around. But, in the meantime just keep enjoying life and know that there is love will eventually find you. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Trust me sports fans, male or female, if anything, Nicole is being a little bit gentle here. Point 1 is the solid gold truth. Anybody who is too busy to see you is absolutely, positively not that into you. Busy is always a choice. Some things are reasonable, a death in the family, a hospital trip. But, busy means I would rather do something else than be with you. You must understand that you are valuable, but just not to this person. So, their loss. Item 2 is always a lie and means they are seeing someone else. Always. But, taking a while to text you back or call you back is a bit tougher to tell. If you have a normal pattern for those things, compare the new to the pattern. Item 3 you control. If someone says "lets do such and such sometime", your response is that sounds great how about tomorrow night or whenever YOU want to go out. This is calling the bluff. If they are not willing to commit right then and there to a time and place, see point 1 above. Item 4 is a cliche it's so true. Don't use this with someone else. It's way too cornball. Item 5 is either an insecure ploy to attempt to make you jealous (do you need that in your relationship? really?) or, as Nicole says they are telling you they are interested in someone else. This is especially true if it's later in your relationship. If this happens and they mention a name, or are slightly more specific and any of the first three items show and they don't mention this person in such glowing terms any longer, take this to the bank: they are cheating on you. Now, having said all that, there are no guarantees in a relationship. You put your heart out there and sometimes you get burned. But, sometimes you find the person of your dreams. Which brings us to expectations. Early in a relationship, be reasonable. You should both be taking time to get to know each other before you fall head over heels for each other. And, finally, nobody is perfect at this. Know that and live and love well.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and there's an item 6: If they're not into you it will show in how they choose to contact you. Face it, if you are into somebody and have to cancel it aren't you going to do it in the most personal and expeditious manner possible and have an immediate, definite time when you can make it? Heck, yeah. So, if someone cancels via email and you both have working cell phones, what does that tell you? Without being too needy (and, by the way, only the psychopaths don't need love)just imagine how you would handle communication under the same circumstances. And, there dear friends, are all the answers you need.

Nicole Wendy Forrester said...

lol... funny enough I do think when it comes to matters of the heart, if you have to wonder if someone is into you or not, than that person isn't likely for you... just a thought.

Anonymous said...

Came across your blog. Great!
I just got back into the dating scene...lots of games and non scene going on. I have been going through all five, and it just comes down to this, why would you want to be with someone that does not care or respect you? What ever happened to just going out and having fun, you both should know if you are interested in one another in the first 20 mins. And if not at least you both know and part ways. But it seems there is this "maybe there might be someone better out there and I'll just keep him around..for now"

Anonymous said...

i know this chick named BW and she totally always does all the things you stated above i think she just keeps me around for luck and an ego boost for her self esteem , oh well =C

Justin Robertson said...

Is she from Orlando?

Anonymous said...

I liked your blog! Sadly I'm currently one of those girls who seems to meet the wrong guy at the wrong time and instead of being chased i do all the work and ultimately end up with a broken heart. I have now stopped using dating sites and try to meet like minded people through people i know or going out. And although i haven't met mr right yet, i am hoping that making small changes in where i meet people will help. I love love, i want to be loved and have a great deal to give in that department. So surely that should come when its meant to! In the meantime, your post has made me uncomfortable as its me all over and i dont want that anymore. Thank you.

Global Maket said...

I am definitely enjoying your website.
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Unknown said...

So I have been on dating sites for a few years and have gotten many people who do this kind of behavior. Why is it so hard to just say I'm not interested?