Wednesday, August 3, 2011

5 Fatal Mistakes Men Make When it Comes to Dating

You see it all the time.  Guys making fatal mistakes and you just want to pull them aside and say STOP!  Well, since I can’t do that I thought I’d blog about it instead.  I think what it may all boil down to is poor communication.  Communication is key in any and everything we do.  We are constantly communicating whether it is verbal or nonverbal; we are putting ourselves out there to be interpreted by others.  So, here is my communication 101 crash course when it comes to dating for men.

1. Being “Whipped”
This mistake is one that is often not realized while it is being committed, but may be obvious to all others and to yourself only when the relationship has expired.  The problem with this mistake is that the true harm occurs with time and in fact can be the cause of a relationship failing.  Either because your “coup de jour” will inevitably become a nag, and you may feel as though you are being taken for granted or you become resentful that the relationship is one-sided and your needs (once you finally decide to acknowledge them) are not being met.  This is like watching a candle’s flame burn out slowly and eventually aggressively.  To avoid being whipped make sure you always acknowledge what it is you want in a relationship, and avoid wearing goggles that blind you from the values that matter most to you. Also, maintain some life outside of your relationship.

2. Inept Conversation Skills
This is an instant killer!  I actually have a few male friends lacking in this department.  The problem with suffering from this ailment is you miss out.  You are like a superfan in wishing to be playing in the game, but you don’t have any equipment or skills to safely join in.  If you can do one thing in your life, hone this skill, and not just for dating reasons.  In fact take a class… Seriously!  And a good conversation doesn’t involve you discussing how amazing you are, but it involves asking questions and showing some interest.  FAR too many great guys miss out because of their inept conversation skills.  This is as much a turnoff as bad breath is!

3. Not Approaching a Girl
You’ll always miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.  So, if you don’t approach us, it’s unlikely we’ll approach you (even in this modern era).  I’m always amazed at some of my male friends who may have a crush on a particular girl and fail to realize just how much they actually stand a chance if they would ask her out.  You snooze you lose.  We’re all not mind readers and the worse thing a girl can say is no.  So ask.

4. A Serial Texter
If you communicate more with texting instead of talking you are a serial texter.   This is electronic courage (much like liquor courage) at its worst.  It gives the appearance that you can’t be bothered to call and that your conversation skills actually may be lacking.  Texting is okay for quick exchanges but it should never be your source of courage to talk to a girl… unless of course you are in grades school.  But, if you are a grown man, grow some courage and pick up the phone to talk 

5. Being Too Readily Available (also known as I’ll change my schedule to fit yours)
This is another killer….  You’ve met an amazing girl and you want to spend as much time with her as you can… it’s understandable.  But, sometimes it can closely resemble the scent of desperation.  We like it when a guy shows us attention and wants to do things with us, but we also like guys who have an interesting life.  If you have got an exciting life with a lot of things going on, we want to be a part of it.  But, if your only excitement is us, you can become a Bug-a-Boo (someone whose constant availability and frequent contacting you becomes annoying ).   Moderation is always a best practice.  And also helps with ”The Game” we seem to all be programmed to play. 

It is human nature to make mistakes, but when you know better you can do better.  Consider this your life vest, saving you from yourself and future dating fatality incidences.

Your dating relationship non-expert,