Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The EX Factor: How To Get Over An Ex

*RELATIONSHIP CORNER
So, he/she told you it's over!  They've moved on, but you can't.... Waiting and hoping that your special ex will change their mind or come back to you is NOT advisable (I'll address this in another blog).  
  
A Note on the "Real" LossPeople (especially women) will often fall for the idea of what they think someone is.  Sadly, when the relationship fails, the feeling of loss that descends over you, isn’t necessarily the loss of the person or even the relationship itself.  Rather, it may be the idea/fantasy of what one had hoped for, which is the true source of pain.     

So, how DO you let go and move on??? 


Step 1. Poof! Be Gone! – Cut-off All Contact
You need to give yourself time to heal and accept the finale of your relationship/dating/talking or whatever you were doing.  By cutting off all contact, you provide yourself with some space and the ability to free your mind.  Remember as long as you are in a head space about that ex, you’re never available for someone better.  Cutting off contact means no calling, texting, g-mailing, blackberry messaging, skyping, or FaceBook messaging.  If you think you'll be tempted to reconnect, than DELETE all contact info.  Yes, this may be drastic, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Also, do not update your status (through the various media channels) with subliminal messages.  This is transparent and will not help you!  I usually recommend at least a 30 days of Poof! Be Gone!  But, depending on the seriousness of your relationship you may need to extend it to 90 days.

Step 2. Acceptance
In the beginning of a relationship people tend to see only the good stuff, while negating the lesser qualities he/she is also presenting.  When the relationship ends, you may realize the presence of those lesser qualities have always existed.  By paying attention to these lesser qualities now, you may find yourself glad you are no longer with your ex. 

You need to confront the brutal facts.  Take note of what fantasies you may have created AND what you were not getting from the relationship.  If you do this honestly, I guarantee you’ll be glad you are no longer with your ex.

Step 3. Realize Your Worth
You have to KNOW your strengths and practice self-love.  If you don’t know this, how can you ever expect anyone else to know it?  If you’re having a hard time with this, make a list of the amazing qualities that define you, and say it to yourself.  You have to truly realize YOU are awesome and worth being with someone who values you.  If the person you were with before doesn’t want you, then clearly he/she doesn’t deserve you… KEEP IT MOVING… Onto, a bigger and better fish in the sea!

Step 4.  Find a New Passion
This is a chance to gain a new love outside the realm of a relationship.  Take a moment to think about what you really love or would like to do, and busy yourself with it.  This is another way to free up your headspace.

Step 5.  Get Out There & Date Again
Date with no expectations.  Create a roster of new possible candidates, always reminding yourself of how AMAZING you are.  Don’t settle too quickly on a new interest either, as this may only be a rebound and prevent you from truly moving on.  And most importantly, always be yourself. 

As you embark on a new relationship, always be sure to park any fantasies you may have.  Stay in the moment and let the future unveil for you what it has planned.  Let him/her prove he deserves you and allow whatever is to happen, happen.  Plain and simple, go with the flow!  No expectations, no fantasies and no limitations.  Finally, don’t paint the next person with the same brush.  Everybody deserves a fresh start.
*Please note, I am not an expert on relationships. I only offer my tried and tested knowledge...  I have never broken anyone's heart (a feat I am quite proud of) so there are certainly some limits to my scope of knowledge on relationships.

"Poof! Be Gone!" Inventor, 
 Nicole

1 comment:

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