Wednesday, April 13, 2011

RELATIONSHIP CORNER: How to Date Someone "Out of Your League"

 I recently blogged about the value of beauty held in society.  For better or worse, people in general appreciate and desire that which is beautiful.

*WATCH VIDEO ON Science of Sex Appeal - Out of Your League? *

The problem with beauty is that sometimes people may only admire from afar, presuming that that person is WAY out of their league.  When it comes to dating, is there an unspoken hierarchical nature, whereby someone may be out of your league?

I don’t think so, but certainly, I’ve been guilty of feeling this way in the past.  When you think about it, it is kind of silly and sad.  And thankfully, I’ve learned how to confront this phenomenon.

At the end of the day, I’m not sure anyone is out of anyone’s league.   I believe the barriers in place are only those created in the mind.  Here are 5 steps to date that certain someone who “is out of your league.”

STEP 1. Humanize Them – As much as you might revere them and can easily list their strengths, you must remember at the end of the day they are a person.  And they have flaws/weaknesses too.  It’s not a good idea to put anyone on a pedestal, for they certainly will disappoint you at some point.  Therefore, with your “chosen one,” draw to mind their humanistic qualities (or weaknesses).  Yes, they may be great… maybe even perfect in your eyes, but you need to be cognizant of the qualities which make them human.

STEP 2. Take a Refresher Course on YOU 
Comparatively, spend some time remembering your strengths. Often when you are in the headspace of someone so amazing it is easy to compare yourself and point out all the reasons why you may be inadequate.  You need to STOP these thoughts and list your AMAZING qualities.  You’ve got them and they should be appreciated, adored and maybe even revered (without being arrogant) by yourself.  As, I’ve said many times now, if you don’t know how great you are, how can you ever expect anyone else to?.

STEP 3.  Be Confident
Having completed your refresher course, practice self-love.  Confidence is not arrogance and should never be based upon your achievements or possessions; these are superficial and transient.  Confidence needs to be deep rooted, the belief in yourself to be able to meet whatever challenge is placed before you.  Indeed you are amazing and a good person.  Know this, believe it and own it!

STEP 4. Ask Them Out
Now that you’ve come to realize how amazing you are and deserving of someone also amazing, buck up and ask that special person out.  The worst thing that could happen is he or she will say no.  You may feel let down, but it’s not going to kill you.  And the best thing he or she can say is yes!  And that’s a risk I believe worth gambling for.

STEP 5. Be Yourself
It is easy to act a certain way because you may presume this may make you more attractive or interesting to that special person.  But, if you are going off of a presumption, that’s not a very reliable source.  Most importantly, you must want someone who is going to value you as you value them.  And the only way anyone can get to know you is by you being yourself.  Chances are if they agree to go out with you, it’s because of “who you are.”

Nonbeliever in "Out of Your League,"

1 comment:

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