Wednesday, June 15, 2011

THE FACE-OFF: Good Guy VS Bad Guy

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

Continuing from last week’s blog (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy), today, I explore the good guy versus bad guy debate.  Again, I must impart on you I’m not a relationship expert... I'm just a girl with a blog.  

I’ve often heard men make the comment “Nice guys finish last.”  I’m here to tell you that that is NOT true.  It may appear like that now, but just like the Tortoise and Hare story, where slow and steady wins the race, much is the same when it comes to Good Guys.  To my Good Guys out there, “Be patient my young Jedi, your time will come!” 

The appeal of a bad boy might come down to a girl just being young or sadly being insecure.  When a girl is young she doesn’t know any better and might find herself going for the things that don’t really matter and undervaluing what does (i.e. like someone treating her good).  In both cases, it’s easy for a girl to get caught up in the allure of being in a relationship as oppose to the quality of a relationship.

For an insecure woman, the appeal of a bad boy may be the desire to tame him and make him smitten for her.  Comparatively, I speculate that these girls will also overlook the good guys, simply because the good guys have made the fault of genuinely liking them. (And if you're a good guy you really don't want to date this kind of girl anyways!)
This may be hard to understand, so follow me.  If someone can’t love themselves enough, then they are not in a position to openly receive love.   “Clearly, there must be something wrong with that guy… why does he like me so much (I don’t even like myself that much)???  But, dude over there must be amazing because he doesn’t like me nearly as much as I like him.  Hmmm, maybe I can make him like me?” says the illogical thinking girl subconsciously…. Again this is just my speculation.  I am not a relationship psychologist… I’m just a chick with a blog and idle thoughts. 
For any girl who finds themselves lamenting over a bad guy what you’re probably really sad about are the fantasies you’ve created about this guy.  It’s very easy to see the potential in someone, and lose sight of who they really are.  Next time you reflect on Le Jerk, really take a closer look and I’m sure you’ll see his true colours.  You can’t choose to see only the possibilities and disregard the glaring reality.  When you let go of the fantasies, you open yourself up to the kind of relationship you deserve.
A woman who is content with herself, her life and KNOWS what she wants won’t put up with a bad guy.  In fact, it often takes a bad guy (or in some cases a few) for a woman to figure out what she wants and how she DESERVES to be treated.  Essentially, the bad guys become our pathway to really valuing and appreciating the Good Guys.  So, while women might date bad guys, most women don’t want to settle with a bad guy.  Indeed, like the Tortoise, it is the good guys that truly wins in the end!!!
One final note… not all bad guys stay as so.  Sometimes the right girl comes along and changes a guy’s dog-pounding ways.  I’ve witnessed this.  But, it doesn’t come about by the girl trying to make the guy a good guy, it comes from a guy realizing he better step up his ways if he wants any chance with this girl he really values.  Change comes from one’s own volition not from someone trying to impose it on you. 

Through the many encounters with bad guys a women might complain about the existence of Good Guys, as if they are Pokaroo (infrequent or possibly a fable). I have a lot of male friends who are “Good Guys” so I know you’re out there in mass quantity…. But, the perception that there are so few of you actually increases your value. A woman who has gotten her act together and KNOWS what she wants is definitely not letting a Good Guy go!!!

To my good guys out there, keep being YOU!  You are and will be valued.  And to my bad guys out there… enjoy it while you can.  With enough time, you will quickly approach the status of a dodo bird… they are extinct! 

P.S:  If you think you are a good guy... maybe check my Classic Signs of a Bad Guy blog.  If you've done any of the 3 signs I've mentioned you might not be as squeaky clean as you'd like to believe...
Just a Girl with a blog,


Anonymous said...

I'd like to debate with you on this. I think that guys have both good guy traits as well as bad guy traits in their system. I think you are correct with your assessment of females because you all often have a superiority complex that leads you to dump a guy for not treating you the right way, but at the same time you all send off copious amounts of mixed signals that we will never be able to understand. I've seen nice guys go decades without being with a woman. There is something about a bad guy that women just respond too. The assertiveness, the power, the cocksuredness. You all love that stuff. But then after that, and the sex, you want to domesticize us. Well there's where the problems come. Because although the attraction of the alpha male strong tough guy is there, he might not have the other traits you want. So you have caught yourself in a quagmire of desire and you can't fulfill it all. So you determine that he is a bad egg and move on. I think you all need to understand yourselves first before you start dating around and going through men like tissue until you find the one that can put up with you. A lot of guys would be less hurt if you did that in my opinion. I agree with your logic and theory, but you act like this is an ok thing and that men need to change being bad when that's how you all want us in the first place. Its not ok for a woman to go through men like kleenex just like its not ok for a man to go through women like kleenex. People get hurt.

Anonymous said...

So you're saying that "nice guys don't finish last" but have to stand in line after the bad guy?

What if that sucks?

Nicole Wendy Forrester said...

Something like that. But, at least you'll know you'll be really appreciated. Good things come to those who wait! :)

Anonymous said...

You said that it might take a bad guy or a few to make the girl realize what she really wants and that she deserves to be with a good guy. But the fact is, girls are hardwired to fall for it, and its proven. They may say that they want to be with a good guy but in reality they will still be wanting the the bad guy. I'm not saying that they fall for a bad guy but for bad guy traits. A good guy having those bad guy's traits can also get a girl.
And that's why most of the guys go bad or at least try to be bad. But why should someone change they way they are. If you are a good guy, then be it. Then there is this thing, if you are good guy you won't get a girl. Thing is you can be good guy and a bad guy. Girls fall for the bad guy traits and that's why the bad guys always get the girl, and the good guys are left broken.
All I am saying is that girls are hardwired to fall for the bad guy traits and it's neither the girls fault nor the guys, that's how they are made.