If you’ve been following my Wednesday’s Relationship Blog, you’ll notice I’m constantly making reference about recognizing your worth and loving yourself. My reasoning is simple – if you can’t recognize how amazing you are how can you ever expect someone else to truly recognize your value?Often people get into a relationship expecting the other person to validate them. To make them feel special, worthy and important. And while, in the beginning these relationships may feel fine, it is only a matter of time before they erode quicker than termites eating through a wood floor.
A good relationship will make you feel like you can be yourself… you don’t have to be on your best behaviour or pretend to be someone else or pretend to love football when you’d rather watch paint dry. You are not concerned that you are being judged by your special someone because you know they like you for who you are BECAUSE you like yourself for who you are.
So how do you begin to recognize your worth? (And I am not talking about arrogance or being conceited, but rather a healthy appreciation for you.)
1. List Your Strengths. Take a moment and create a list of all the things that make YOU a wonderful person. It could be that you are generous, kind, and considerate. Or it could be that you have a great smile or you make people laugh. This list should be long – minimum 10 attributes. It’s so easy to point out your flaws and your wish list (I wish I had a 6-pack and bulging pecks, I wish I had a butt that would make J Lo jealous…and so on and so on), but seldom do we take time to appreciate ourselves!
2. Make a List of What Makes You a Catch. Based on your list of strengths, create another list as to why anyone would be so fortunate to have you as their boyfriend or girlfriend. Now, this may all seem hooky, but, you need to be able to articulate and understand in your mind why you DESERVE to have the kind of relationship you desire. Too many times people settle. They allow people to mistreat them, they ignore what it is they really are looking for and may even give up on love, simply because they don’t believe they DESERVE love. There is a difference between wanting and believing you deserve something, you know.
3. Affirm it! Each day start to tell yourself why you are amazing and why you deserve the relationship you desire. In a given day you have more than 50, 000 thoughts that go on in your brain. We are constantly talking to ourselves, but obviously for the most part we are oblivious of what it is we are telling ourselves. By taking time out to say a couple of positive things, you can at least be assured that you are having some appropriate self-talk happening between your two ears.
4. Invest in Yourself. Take time to do something you really enjoy or find a new passion. It should be something that involves demonstrating competency and challenges you. What is really important here is that you are doing something that makes you feel good about yourself.
5. Get Out There and Date! With your new esteem and outlook of yourself get out there and see what the dating world has to offer. You’ll find the better you feel about yourself, the more you’ll attract people. And remember to leave yourself open to possibilities. Never underestimate that someone may be truly into you. Gone are the “She/He’s out of my league” notion, and likewise, don’t be afraid to approach someone that has caught your eyes. Confidence (not arrogance) is key. And now that you have a new and improved outlook on yourself, you’ll be loaded with confidence… Check my previous blog 8 places to meet someone new, if you’re looking for ideas as to where you may meet that next “one”…. FYI – Ladies please make note of a new addition to the list. The Golf Course is a GREAT place to meet guys. Spend some extra time at the driving range or on the greens practicing and you’ll be amazed at the hotties you can meet. ;)
It’s natural to go through waves where you feel good one day and bad another day about yourself. A recent break-up can cause a crash in your self-worth. Just make sure you have fewer bad days and more days of appreciation. Also, while you are lauding yourself, remember to not do so in comparison (i.e. I’m better than her/him). That can be closely related to arrogance, and feeling good about yourself should not come at the expense of someone else.
As I said on Sunday, I truly believe YOU are amazing! Don’t you forget it!
Relationship non-expert,
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