Wednesday, August 17, 2011

5 Ways to Get "That Girl" Interested in You

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

She’s beautiful, smart, a one of a kind and has a lot going for her.  In the words of Sting “every little thing she does is magic!”  This girl was made for you… but what would a girl like her want with a guy like you?  Well, probably nothing - if you’re not willing to put yourself out there! 

You have to be willing to risk rejection to show up at the ball with Cinderella. 

Now nobody likes to be rejected. You can’t help feeling minimized.  You might find yourself thinking “if only I had that 6-pack! or a job! or I didn’t live at home!” or find yourself asking the overwhelming question “why wasn’t I good enough?”  But, it’s all apart of the dating ritual.  And as a man it is your evolutionary-based responsibility to do the chasing (I believe ;)).  It rarely works the other way around.  Which means, you better grow a tough armor when it comes to dating? 

So, just how do you successfully get that magical girl?  Well, follow these steps and you just might be in luck.  (Now keep in mind I don’t have a PhD in dating, I specialize in sports psychology.  So, when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m just a chick with a blog, relying on many “girl talks” and life experiences.)

Step 1.  Be Witty Possibly Charming But Not Cheesy
Charm is a definite girl magnet.  BUT, it is also sign of being a player and someone some girls will avoid at all costs (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy).  So, you don’t want to poor on the charm.  Comparatively, being witty means being engaging, attentive and having comfortable (not forced) conversations.  Work on having an entry, but not a line.  What I mean, is if you see a girl and want to approach her, work on having a way to do so.   Maybe make a general remark, like “Did I just see you reading Outlier?  That's an incredible book.  Where are you in it?...Have you read any of Malcolm Gladwell's other books?" It's that easy! And at all cost avoid being cheesy or making jokes that are not funny.  Humour is good, if you are a natural at it.  It could be your best entry or it could bury you.  Personally, I’m a sucker for humour, as long as it’s not forced and doesn’t beckon a fake laugh.

Step 2.  Pay Attention
Word to the wise, people’s favourite topic to talk about is themselves.  So take an interest in what your beloved is saying and doing.  Ask follow-up questions that demonstrate that you were paying attention and encourage her to tell more.  This goes hand in hand with making her feeling special.  People are attracted by how someone makes them feel.  It lingers and is infectious.  And it also sets you apart from the rest of the suitors!

Step 3 Test the Waters
If a girl is interested, she’s going to respond to your advances.  A girl who is interested but playing it cool may not initiate contact but will definitely respond to your reaching out – whether it’s you calling, emailing, tweeting, FBing or your attempts to converse with her.  If she takes awhile to get back to you and isn’t so warm/receptive to your advances she’s probably just not that into you.  Back off… You don’t want to become a bug-a-boo (a.k.a an annoyance).   But, if she is smiling, laughing and receptive to your approach she’s into you.  I can’t tell you how many guys will drop the ball here.  Don’t be that guy!

Step 4 Man-Up and Ask Her Out
Ok, it’s not like it’s going to kill you if she says no… At the very least you are better prepared for the next girl.  Personally, if I like a guy I won’t ask him out.  I’m not in the business of chasing a guy.  So, if I’m asking a guy out, he’s probably entered the domain of friends… and no guy wants to be in the friend box or a Duckie.   Like it or not, a lot of woman want a man who will take charge and asking a girl out is a demonstration of this “manly” feature. 

One thing to note - when you do take your “special” lady out don’t over due it but don’t under due it either.  I once had a guy offer to cook me dinner and it was peanut butter and jelly… And I’m not joking. (excessively underdone... POOF!) 

I think going for dinner or coffee is a safe bet and if you want to add to it, try doing something unique –something that shows a hint of your personality/interest without freaking her out and over doing it.  If you are on the Chef Ramsay level of cooking I’d save sharing that aspect of yourself for a third date, but maybe settle with taking your special girl to a nice restaurant where you might order the wine and suggest a meal choice for her, demonstrating a hint of your cuisine expertise.
Step 5. Follow-Up
If you enjoy your time with Miss. Fabulous and she seems receptive follow-up.  You don’t have to wait the traditional 3 days, but don’t call within 1 hour of just seeing her, either. 

Follow these five simple dating steps and you might discover you can get that girl you thought was out of your league.   You’ll never regret asking someone out as much as you will if you never do ask someone out.  Don’t forget you too are an amazing person and if you recognize it, trust me other people will as well.  So, while your wondering about a girl there is a good chance she is doing the same about you.

Happy hunting!

Your relationship non-expert,

Last Wednesday's Relationship Corner Blog:  The Art of Being Attractive