How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Wednesday's Relationship Corner
I remember learning in an undergraduate sociology class about the impact geography played on romance and thinking how sad that was…. Specifically, I thought (at the time) if there is only “one soul mate” for everyone in the world and if you were born on one side of the world and your “soul mate” was on the other side you could end up living a life soul-mateless.

However, through the miracle of Skype I now realize that geography is no longer a barrier to being with your soul mate.

Yes, its possible to have a successful LDR relationship!  It’s just a matter of having the will to make it work.  LDR’s require a lot of work, but for the right person it can be worth it.  So how do you make it work?  Here’s how.

1.  Regular Communication.  With the likes of Skype and G-Chat we have finally reached the Jetson era, where you can actually talk to someone and physically see them – for free!  If you are in a LDR you must frequently take advantage of this, but it should not feel like a chore.  It must be natural, with a yearning to hear from your beloved and share your experiences that occurred during the day.  You can even have fun, by sending random texts letting your beloved know just how special they are to you, or that you were thinking of them.

2. Have an End Date for the LDR.   An LDR Should not be indefinite… This can and will  be trouble eventually.  It’s best to know that the current situation is not permanent and there should be a goal in mind as to when the torture of the LDR will end, and the two of you will be reunited in the same area code.

3. Plan Regular Visits.  My suggestions is to not let your time apart wane greater than 30 days. Each time you see each other make sure you have already planned the next congenial trip visit.  It gives you both something to look forward to and to not feel like “this is the end” after each visit.  More importantly it keeps the relationship alive and from becoming an “imaginary relationship.”

4. Trust is King.  This is a hard one because trust (as I will discuss in a later blog) requires a vulnerable willingness and often, takes time to develop.  However, the truth of the matter is that you have no other option but to trust the person you’re with if you are going to choose to be in an LDR.  Without this, an LDR is fruitless.  To assist with this, communication is key.   You must speak up when something is bothering you and equally about the good things. 

5. Beware.  If you have a propensity for cheating, stay away from LDRs.  In fact, stay away from dating for awhile and really work on this characteristic of yourself.   Cheating is not cool.

6. Be Creative.  Find ways to let your special someone know that they mean the world to you.  Whether it is sending them a bouquet of flowers, a hand written note or a care package, here’s your chance to make the weakness of distance a strength and capitalize on being romantic.

Overall, when it comes to love I do not believe geography should play a limiting role.  This world is way too big to be denied that perfect connection.  Besides, absence does make the heart grow fonder.  But, you BOTH must be committed to the success of a LDR.  Otherwise, it is futile.   

I leave you with 2 stanzas from “Time to Say Goodbye;”  a story about a couple in a LDR (I believe) separated by the distance of a sea and finally united… In fact, in your random act of being creative (Step 6) why not play this song to your beloved. 

Your Non-Relationship Expert, Girl with a blog,

Nicole

Time to Say Goodbye

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.

There is no light in a room where there is no sun

and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.

From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.

Into me you've poured the light,

the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.

Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.

Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,

seas that exist no more,

it's time to say goodbye.

Time to Say Goodbye (Italian Version)

Quando sono sola

sogno all'orizzonte

e mancan le parole,

si lo so che non c'è luce

in una stanza quando manca il sole,

se non ci sei tu con me, con me.

Su le finestre

mostra a tutti il mio cuore

che hai accesso,

chiudi dentro me

la luce che

hai incontrato per strada.

Time to say goodbye.

Paesi che non ho mai

veduto e vissuto con te,

adesso si li vivrò.

Con te partirò

su navi per mari

che, io lo so,

no, no, non esistono più,

it's time to say goodbye.

DEBATING AGE: Youth vs. Wisdom

Yesterday at the World Championship in Daegu, Korea the disqualification of Usain Bolt in the 100m final was a huge surprise, but what also gained attention was the spectacular Bronze Medal run by Kim Colins who is 35 years young.  Now if you have been watching Kim's performance all year, including his multiple personal best performances, his medal win should not have been a surprise. 

The problem is Kim is in a track event where athletes are understood to peak in their mid to late 20's....so says the limited mind thinker.  But, as I've said before the face of elite athletes is changing, thanks in part to better training knowledge.  I believe the real limitations in athletic performances is not necessarily the age of an athlete but the limited thinking/perception of capability an athlete has because of their age. 

The topic of age is an interesting one... For adults it is considered taboo to ask someone their age (unless of course they are an athlete or celebrity at which point their age is common knowledge).  Often aging is associated with negativity while youth is celebrated. 

Tied to nostalgia, youth represents boundless possibilities and potential – a better tomorrow. Ironically, when we’re young we are bombarded with unique images of beautiful, airbrushed models and Ads advocating a new and improved version of ourselves . We are constantly told through various mediums that what one is not wise enough, thin enough, or beautiful enough – simply put “just not enough". And as that person ages, that message becomes – “You are too old! Better hurry, life is passing you by!” Certain standards of life are put into place as measuring, how far you’ve come in life, and where you’ll end up.

At what moment in life will the message be to be content?

Personally, I can’t help but think of how much naivety I held about age, when I was younger and my lack of comfort of being in my own skin. But, I’m growing up and getting a little bit wiser, day by day and loving the skin I'm in. As my mom says ‘You can’t get wiser without getting older.’


I believe the physical impact of aging is merely a reflection of how we take care of ourselves along the way. Most people are so busy taking care of everybody else that they forget to take care of themselves, and physical aging can bare its truth. However, to paint everyone with the same brush for being old because of a simple number, reflecting one’s age is not accurate. Life is an individual experience and so are the effects of growing old.



Life is beautiful and it should be. It’s about daily self-discovery – daring to fail and daring to succeed. We should never give anyone the power to decide our expiration on potential. If your not where you want to be, when would NOW be a good time to start?


Remember -- “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it!” ~ Anne Shirley (from the movie Anne of Green Gables)


Unpainted,
Nicole

Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever wanted something so bad, and became filled with frustration and disappointment when it didn't happen?  Yes, life is filled with many of those stories.  However, sometimes time has a funny way of revealing that this let down may have been a blessing in disguise.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I guess sometimes it is good that we don't always get what it is we want.  I know I would be in some serious trouble with some of my past desires in life. 

Whether in love, career, life, or day to day things, Unanswered Payers, seems to sum this point up nicely...

Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brook



Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife nd I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

VISIONS & IDEALS

As a Man Thinketh by James Allen is one of my most favourite books.  I discovered it about 10 years ago, and have continued to read it repeatedly throughout the years.  In this tiny book James Allen aptly maps out the powerful potential each of us embodies, that it is hard to believe it was written in 1904.  Funny while we move forward with new inventions and gadgets, the simple principles of human nature remain the same… We can achieve as much or as little as we think we can… And visions are always a portal to life’s achievements. 

Visions And Ideals

The dreamers are the saviors of the world. As the visible world is sustained by the invisible, so men, through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations, are nourished by the beautiful visions of their solitary dreamers. Humanity cannot forget its dreamers; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as the realities which it shall one day see and know.

Composer, sculptor, painter, poet, prophet, sage--these are the makers of the after-world, the architects of heaven. The world is beautiful because they have lived. Without them, laboring humanity would perish.

He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realize it. Columbus cherished a vision of another world and he discovered it.  Copernicus fostered the vision of a multiplicity of worlds and a wider universe, and he revealed it. Buddha beheld the vision of a spiritual world of stainless beauty and perfect peace, and he entered into it.

Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts. For out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.

To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve. Shall man's basest desires receive the fullest measure of gratification, and his purest aspirations starve for lack of sustenance? Such is not the Law. Such a condition can never obtain, "Ask and receive."

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg. And in the highest vision of a soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.

~ By James Allen (excerpt from As a Man Thinketh)

10 Things Your Girlfriend Needs to Hear You Say

Today's Wednesday Relationship Corner, comes via Mary Edwards (author).

There are certain phrases that a girl longs to hear from her guy. They are not random phrases, however; each phrase or word relates to a different situation. They also can be expressed in a variety of ways, but they do need to be communicated, and words work real well for that communication thing.

1. I’m proud of you. Let her know that you notice her significance and her talents. Be specific. If she works hard at her goals, let her know that you notice and acknowledge it. Brag on her in front of others too. That will mean even more.
2. I love being with you. Don’t assume that she knows this, just because you’re together so much. She needs to know that you are with her because you enjoy being with her, and that it isn’t just habit or a feeling of obligation.
3. Thank you. Don’t drop your manners, just because she’s your girlfriend. If she hands you something, say thank you. If makes you a meal, thank her for it. If she changes her plans for you, make sure she knows that you appreciate her sacrifice.
4. Can I help you? If she has work to do around the house, or she has volunteer work to do, offer to help her out, to work alongside of her. Even if she doesn’t take you up on the offer, the gesture will be appreciated.
5. I missed you. Let her know that she’s been missed when you’ve been apart for awhile. It doesn’t matter which one of you were away, it is the separation that is the issue. Hopefully, she’ll be saying she missed you too.
6. Have fun! Encourage her to enjoy her time with her friends or family when she chooses to spend time with them on her own. She needs to know that you do not need to be the center of everything she does, and that you don’t resent her enjoying activities which you aren’t involved in.
7. You look beautiful. Girls never get tired of hearing that, and they especially need to hear it when they aren’t feeling very beautiful, like when the rain just ruined their hair, or they’re in a hospital bed with no makeup or their sitting around in their sweats.
8. You can do it. Be her cheerleader when she’s having doubts about her own abilities. It’ll be easier for her to believe in herself, if she knows that you do. She will especially need to hear it from you if she has other people in her life telling her that she won’t make it.
9. I’m sorry. If you make a mistake or hurt her feelings, even if it was unintentional, be willing to apologize. Don’t let your pride stand in the way of mending your relationship. She will gain more respect for you, if you are able to say those two words. It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong.
10. Please. Just like thank you, this common courtesy word should not disappear from your conversations with your girlfriend. Don’t take her agreement for granted. Ask her to do things, don’t tell her, and include the appropriate ‘please’ on the end.

There you have it. Memorize them. Write them down, but most of all…use them in your conversations with your girlfriend. She’ll notice if you do, and she’ll notice if you don’t.
~Mary Edwards (author)

THE POWER OF SPORTS.... Thank You Sports!

With the second Sports Day in Canada taking place across the country in less than a month (September 17, 2011), I thought I would take a moment to re-post a previous blog on the role Sports has played in my life.  I believe in the power of Sports and you can bet I'm taking part once again in Sports Day in Canada, this year.  (Come out and join me in Markham, Ontario with CBC Sports, ParticipACTION and VISA).  Come on Canada, let's get active.  Sports Matters! 

A Letter of Thanks... How Sports Has Personally Influenced My Life

Dear Sports,
I am not sure if there are words to describe how you have impacted my life.   I’m incredibly indebted to you. 

Thank you Sports for teaching me that anything I put my mind to, I can achieve!  You have taught me that effort is more important than ability.  You have taught me the value of learning and mastering a skill and through this I am able to conquer any challenge – whether with you or in any other realm of my life.

Sports you have created a fire in me, which is committed to achieving excellence.  The teachings I’ve learned from you have allowed me to excel academically with honors.  Even now as I complete my PhD, I can’t help feeling that how I approach learning and problem-solving is still reminiscent of you, Sports.  I am constantly using the skills I’ve learned via you in my studies and everything I do.

Sports you have taught me that I will fail more times than I will win.  But, through persevering through my failures and realizing what I’ve learned along the way, I am better positioned to not only succeed the next time I try, but surpass my initial objectives.  I know no barrier thanks to you!  When someone tells me it can’t be done, I think “Maybe for you… Where there’s a will there’s always a way, and I just have to find that way.”

Sports you’ve allowed me to have a resting heart rate of 43, a body composition of 7.8% body fat and a blood pressure level that as a doctor once said “This is obviously the benefits of Sports.”  Oh, how I do value health because of you!!!  I am committed to healthy living.  I see myself becoming something like the Jack Lalanne (female version) even after I retire from my professional level with you.  I’ll be knowing you until  my deathbed… and even then I imagine I might be doing leg raises or some exercise in bed as I gasp for my last breath.

I have travelled to more than forty countries thanks to you, including places I never knew existed. I’ve learned and experienced various cultures and developed a fond appreciation for diversity.  I’ve met incredible people along the way including presidents, royalties, celebrities, philanthropists and people who are just simply good persons inside.

Sports you’ve allowed me to develop lifelong friends with people who have also benefited from you in their lives.  These friends are also committed to excellence and are rapidly becoming a force to reckon with.  They make me want to be a better Nicole.  And I know they attribute much of who they are because of you Sports, as well.

Sports you have taught me the importance of caring for others and the responsibility we all have as a society to volunteer…. Striving for altruism.   I am committed to helping others achieve excellence!

I walk with confidence and assurance because of you Sports.  I feel blessed beyond words.  I know with certainty I would not be the woman I am today without you in my life.  I am a better person all because you have entered my life.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you and I love you Sports!

Nicole

The Truth About My Wednesday's Relationship Corner - ACHTUNG!

So, I’ve been blogging about relationships and matters of the heart for almost a year now.  It happened by chance when I began blogging about “The Game” and realized there was an interest in this topic.  Blogging on relationships were initially not the easiest or my favourite thing to do.  However, overtime I’ve grown a liking for these blogs.  And for some reason they incite the most responses, emails and offline discussions. 

But, what surprises me most about these Wednesday’s Relationship Corner blogs is the interest male readers have shown.  As a female I'm well aware of the "girl chat" perspective of relationships; but, hearing the interest of males on my meandering thoughts, I can’t help wondering whether the true hopeless romantics are men.

Whatever the case is, at the end of the day I think the only thing that people are seeking is to love and to be loved in return.  So why do people play these “games?”  Part of me can’t help thinking it has to do with not feeling worthy enough. 

People like what they can’t have and anything that is not a challenge seems to be undervalued.  Seems strange, doesn’t it?  Think about it… How many people do you know who have blown off someone who was a good person, but for whatever reason, they just weren’t "into" them, even though they were willing to give the world to that person.  It's almost like they unconsciously tell themself, that something must be wrong with anyone who could TRULY like them for who they are AND not because of their job, money or success. 

How many times have you done the blowing off???  We've all done it. 

To quote Oprah, "there is a difference you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness."  You are worthy!

 The truth of the matter is we have got to start loving and treating ourselves the way we desire to be treated.  And I believe when you do this, you are in the position to be receptive of the person that is willing to treat you like the King/Queen you truly are instead of settling for the dud that makes you work for their attention. 

You’re worth it,

Nicole

Relationship Non-expert…. Just a girl with a blog

Bitter Sweet Symphony

The beauty of children is their infinite imagination and their ability to see only the ways, instead of the obstacles.  But, something funny happens as we mature and grow older we gain more life experiences, more heart aches and more obstacles that begin to cast a shadow over our once youthful imagination of possibilities.  The world of conformity beckons and it is easy to see how people become caught in a rat race, as they watch time slip so rapidly through their hands.  But, I believe it doesn’t have to be that way.  

We are the captain of our fate and all it takes is courage to dare to be whom and what we want to be, free from the opinions and expectations of others.  Sure, there are elements in life that will make our pursuits challenging but if you have the will, dedication and commitment to a goal anything is possible.

Bitter Sweet Symphony paints this melancholy picture of people caught in this mold of trying "to make ends meet , you're a slave to the money then you die" and with the added conflict of wanting to change but feeling trapped that you can’t change.  I challenge you to be true to your self.  Life is there for our taking.

Colouring outside the lines,

Nicole

Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve

Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony this life...
Try to make ends meet , you're a slave to the money then you die.
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the things meet, yeah.

No change, I can change, I can change, I can change,
but I'm here in my mould , I am here in my mould.
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next...
I can't change my mould , no,no,no,no,no,no,no

Well I've never prayed,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognise the pain in me, yeah.
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now.
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.

No change, I can change, I can change, I can change,
but I'm here in my mould , I am here in my mould.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mould, no,no,no,no,no,no,no

Have you ever been down?
I can change, I can change...

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life.
Trying to make ends meet, try to find somebody then you die.
You know I can change, I can change, I can change,
but I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next.
I can't change my mould, no,no,no,no,no,no,no

We've got ya sex and violence melody and silence
(Have you ever been down)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)

$86,400 Credited in Your Bank Account! How Does That Sound???

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not know the origin of this short writing (below), but I absolutely love it.  I was first introduced to it almost a year ago and continue to draw inspiration from it every time I read it.  It really encapsulates the value of what it means to make the most of the time we have now… Life is beautiful, amazing and there for our taking.  And in the words of Anne Shirley (from Anne of Green Gables) “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it!” 

Here’s to wishing your credit in life is well spent!  Have a great Friday & Weekend!

Nicole


Credited Bank Account

What would you do… if you had a bank that credited your account each morning with $86, 400, that carried over no balance from day to day, and allowed you to keep no cash in your account, and every evening canceled the amount you had failed to use during the day?  What would you do?  Draw every cent of course!

WELL YOU HAVE SUCH A BANK, AND ITS NAME IS “TIME.”

Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds

Every night it rules off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest for a good purpose it carries over no balances.  It allows no overdrafts.

Each day it pens a new account with you.

Each night it burns the records of the day.

If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no drawing against “tomorrow.”  You must live in the present – on today’s deposits.  Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success.  The clock is running.  Make the most of today.

~Unknown

5 Ways to Get "That Girl" Interested in You

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

She’s beautiful, smart, a one of a kind and has a lot going for her.  In the words of Sting “every little thing she does is magic!”  This girl was made for you… but what would a girl like her want with a guy like you?  Well, probably nothing - if you’re not willing to put yourself out there! 

You have to be willing to risk rejection to show up at the ball with Cinderella. 

Now nobody likes to be rejected. You can’t help feeling minimized.  You might find yourself thinking “if only I had that 6-pack! or a job! or I didn’t live at home!” or find yourself asking the overwhelming question “why wasn’t I good enough?”  But, it’s all apart of the dating ritual.  And as a man it is your evolutionary-based responsibility to do the chasing (I believe ;)).  It rarely works the other way around.  Which means, you better grow a tough armor when it comes to dating? 

So, just how do you successfully get that magical girl?  Well, follow these steps and you just might be in luck.  (Now keep in mind I don’t have a PhD in dating, I specialize in sports psychology.  So, when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m just a chick with a blog, relying on many “girl talks” and life experiences.)

Step 1.  Be Witty Possibly Charming But Not Cheesy

Charm is a definite girl magnet.  BUT, it is also sign of being a player and someone some girls will avoid at all costs (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy).  So, you don’t want to poor on the charm.  Comparatively, being witty means being engaging, attentive and having comfortable (not forced) conversations.  Work on having an entry, but not a line.  What I mean, is if you see a girl and want to approach her, work on having a way to do so.   Maybe make a general remark, like “Did I just see you reading Outlier?  That's an incredible book.  Where are you in it?...Have you read any of Malcolm Gladwell's other books?" It's that easy! And at all cost avoid being cheesy or making jokes that are not funny.  Humour is good, if you are a natural at it.  It could be your best entry or it could bury you.  Personally, I’m a sucker for humour, as long as it’s not forced and doesn’t beckon a fake laugh.

Step 2.  Pay Attention

Word to the wise, people’s favourite topic to talk about is themselves.  So take an interest in what your beloved is saying and doing.  Ask follow-up questions that demonstrate that you were paying attention and encourage her to tell more.  This goes hand in hand with making her feeling special.  People are attracted by how someone makes them feel.  It lingers and is infectious.  And it also sets you apart from the rest of the suitors!

Step 3 Test the Waters

If a girl is interested, she’s going to respond to your advances.  A girl who is interested but playing it cool may not initiate contact but will definitely respond to your reaching out – whether it’s you calling, emailing, tweeting, FBing or your attempts to converse with her.  If she takes awhile to get back to you and isn’t so warm/receptive to your advances she’s probably just not that into you.  Back off… You don’t want to become a bug-a-boo (a.k.a an annoyance).   But, if she is smiling, laughing and receptive to your approach she’s into you.  I can’t tell you how many guys will drop the ball here.  Don’t be that guy!

Step 4 Man-Up and Ask Her Out

Ok, it’s not like it’s going to kill you if she says no… At the very least you are better prepared for the next girl.  Personally, if I like a guy I won’t ask him out.  I’m not in the business of chasing a guy.  So, if I’m asking a guy out, he’s probably entered the domain of friends… and no guy wants to be in the friend box or a Duckie.   Like it or not, a lot of woman want a man who will take charge and asking a girl out is a demonstration of this “manly” feature. 

One thing to note - when you do take your “special” lady out don’t over due it but don’t under due it either.  I once had a guy offer to cook me dinner and it was peanut butter and jelly… And I’m not joking. (excessively underdone... POOF!) 

I think going for dinner or coffee is a safe bet and if you want to add to it, try doing something unique –something that shows a hint of your personality/interest without freaking her out and over doing it.  If you are on the Chef Ramsay level of cooking I’d save sharing that aspect of yourself for a third date, but maybe settle with taking your special girl to a nice restaurant where you might order the wine and suggest a meal choice for her, demonstrating a hint of your cuisine expertise.

 

Step 5. Follow-Up

If you enjoy your time with Miss. Fabulous and she seems receptive follow-up.  You don’t have to wait the traditional 3 days, but don’t call within 1 hour of just seeing her, either. 

Follow these five simple dating steps and you might discover you can get that girl you thought was out of your league.   You’ll never regret asking someone out as much as you will if you never do ask someone out.  Don’t forget you too are an amazing person and if you recognize it, trust me other people will as well.  So, while your wondering about a girl there is a good chance she is doing the same about you.

Happy hunting!

Your relationship non-expert,

Nicole

Last Wednesday's Relationship Corner Blog:  The Art of Being Attractive

What’s it Like to Be You? - ACHTUNG!

The email read “What’s it like to be you? Do you ever have to pinch yourself because of the awesome accomplishments you have and continue to make?” 

Over the years I’ve received various emails, but this was one of those emails that stopped me in my tracks.  Initially a smile came across my face and as I contemplated my answer my smile was followed by a concerned feeling...


Image by reuters Fadi Al Assaad


The truth is I probably haven’t taken enough time to revel in my accomplishments, thus far.   And, yet shamefully, I’m probably more aware of my shortcomings along the way.  I am a high achiever and a perfectionist, which can be a double edged sword.  It can push me to dig deep and find a way in the face of impossibility, but it can also give way to frustration.  So, it is a balance I am constantly striking.      

Just as someone may work hard and be rewarded with a promotion, I see my athletic and academic achievements as the fruits of my labour. And just as it is for most people, it hasn’t been an easy ride.  There have been (and will probably continue to be) setbacks, tears and challenges along the way.  But, all of it only rebuffs, refines and reaffirms our commitment to the goal at hand. 

 

This was truly an endearing and complimenting question.  It made me smile and consider things pleasantly from a different perspective.  However, it’s important for me to impart that I believe every one of us have amazing life stories of achievements!  They may not come in the form of a medal or championship title, but they are achievements just the same.  And the truth is we are all capable of even greater things to come!

 

I look to people like Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Helen Keller and Oprah has proof of what is possible for any of us to manifest in our lifetime on earth.  They were/are mere mortals… and aren’t we all just the same?  To leave this world better than how I’ve entered it and to be transformational in my efforts is a life I’d define as living. 

So, a big thanks to the person who sent me this email.... And no, I never pinch myself.  I do pat myself on the back for a job well done from time to time, but, ultimately, I think while my life experiences may be different from others I believe we all share the same emotions life has to offer.... and probably the real triumphants in life may not be seen on a podium.

No pinching,
Nicole

I Don't Want To Be Anything Other...

"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be." - May Sarton

Whenever, I feel judged or that I am trying to meet the expectations of others I'll remind myself  "I can only be me.  I am what I am."  It's a simple statement, but feels very comforting and grounding.  It reminds me that I cannot please everyone all of the time, and the most important thing is to be true to myself, never compromising my values.  Sure, I may fail sometimes, but as long as I learn and move forward I can only stand to do better.  

Recently, I've felt inspired to emphasize this need to be authentic, because, I believe there is strength in authenticity.  By being ourselves we unconsciously give others the comfort and empowerment to be themselves as well.  And really, wouldn't you want to be in the company of someone who is authentic rather than an untrue representation of themselves.

It is for this reason, "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin Degraw has always resonated strongly with me ...  In the theme of authenticity it is today's Sunday's lyrics.

"I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin Degraw

I don't need to be anything other

Than a prison guard's son

I don't need to be anything other

Than a specialist's son

I don't have to be anyone other

Than the birth of two souls in one

Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn

I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn

Am I the only one who noticed?

I can't be the only one who's learned!

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please?

If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountain

The crust of creation

My whole situation-made from clay to stone

And now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

I don't want to be

I don't want to be

I don't want to be

I don't want to be